Westmount Psychologist: Relationships

- Why is mirroring important for successful relationships? 

It communicates that you see and care about me and that I can depend on you. Acting as a mirror is most important in periods of need or distress.  I can feel like whatever is bothersome or troublesome to me actually matters to someone else, which, in turn, means that I matter. If someone has been accurately mirrored numerous times, it will help in times when the actual person is not physically available. It’s like you can borrow from validating and affirming times in the past. 

- The body and brain knows when mirroring works well. The hormone oxytocin has been linked with increased trust and reduced anxiety when others are in the presence of a safe, close, mirroring relationship partner. Also, there are mirror neurons in the forebrain that fire while empathizing with others. In some ways, the body was made to mirror. 

- This is about relationships that count. It is important to keep in mind that different relationships serve different needs. Different needs that should be mirrored, or, at least, heard and accepted. At this crucial time, it is important to seek out relationships where you feel heard and accepted and validated (all crucial elements to the relationship mirror).

By Dr. Rick Parker at Clinic Dr. Bita

Happy Holidays.

Westmount Psychologists: Teens and Drug Use

Teens & Drug Use

Why do so many teenagers start using drugs? Unless they are given prescription medication, it comes down to curiosity, or peer pressure. Those who succumb to peer pressure always have low self-esteem, whereas those who start using drugs out of curiosity, have undeveloped values, which is common among teenagers due to a lack of maturity. Generally, the curious users may enter a phase of occasional use, and then move on. However, those with low self-esteem are at a much higher risk of dependence, due to more frequent usage.

Without a doubt, the drug with the most misconceptions is cannabis; the media is to blame for this, as pro-cannabis advocates offer biased information. More precisely, it is common for teenagers to seek a vast majority of their information on the internet, due to its easy accessibility. Although, the internet offers information based on scientific studies, there are studies who show evidence of physical and psychological harm associated to cannabis use, whereas other studies show evidence of no long-term harm. As such, the internet is an inconclusive source of information, regarding cannabis. Therefore, teenagers assume that, in the absence of concrete proof, it is okay to try it. However, many  teenagers – who are naturally prone to risky behavior – are willing to take that risk; that is where undeveloped values come into play.

On the other hand, users who start due to peer pressure, do not care, or even neglect the consequences of using drugs. Many among this group of people, believe that drugs can benefit their social life, and hence, “they look cool”. Needless to say, this can't be further from the truth.

Message to teens: When considering trying a drug, ask yourselves:

• Is one buzz worth lying to my family?

• Is it worth living a double-life?

• Is it worth abusing my health, and my family's trust and money?

The truth is.. IT'S NOT!

Erwin Paydar, Blogger at Clinic Dr. Bita, 

Student at Dawson College

Westmount Dietitian: Holiday Eating

It’s time for a new approach to holiday eating!

Every year at this time a succession of health experts tells us what we should be eating in order to maintain our weight and our health during the winter eating extravaganza we call the “Holidays”.  Many of their suggestions start with the words “do not”….do not eat this….do not cook like that….As my brother never tires of telling me we dietitians are taking all the fun out of life. 

It’s time for a new approach!  Let’s try one that is based on respect for food, our culinary traditions and the pleasure we receive when we consume a delicious meal while surrounded by friends and family. 

Here are a few tips to help make holiday eating less stressful and more enjoyable. 

1) Eat your favourite foods 

Holidays are associated with eating family favourite foods.  Evaluate which of these foods are your favourites and include them in your eating plans.  Skip the ones that you do not like or like less. 

2) Eat snacks

Holiday meals are often consumed at odd hours.  Arriving at the table when you are really hungry can lead to overeating.  Make sure that you eat a snack that is made up of some foods that will keep you full for a long time.  

3) Eat until you are full not stuffed

Many of us can remember eating a meal and then feeling so stuffed that we feel like we are going to “bust”.   Learn to stop eating when the first feelings of fullness hit.  Start practicing now, so you can be good at it by the time the first holiday dinners are on your schedule. 

4) Eat mindfully

Take the time to savour the smell, the taste, the texture, in fact the whole experience of eating a special meal. 

5) Eat Slowly

Take the time to chew the food, and enjoy the taste of it. Chewing and tasting more leads to eating less calories.  The act of chewing will help your body to feel full sooner.  

6) Hit the buffet table with 2 plates.  

Try putting smaller plate on top of your dinner plate.  Fill the small plate with some of your favourite higher calorie foods.  Then fill the outer edges of the larger plate with lots of lower calorie choices.  So the middle of the plate will contain some turkey and mashed potatoes with a bit of gravy, surrounded by loads of vegetables and salads. 

Kim N. Arrey, B; Sc., RD, Dietitian at Clinic Dr. Bita

Christmas, gifts, happiness # 2

Why does spending on others make us happy?

 Part of the answer may lie in how we feel about ourselves when we give to others. It sponsors the image that we care and are attentive to the other person’s needs; thus making the other person feel good. Spending on others also sends the message that they are important to you and helps to build stronger ties and social relationships. Of course, stronger social relationships lead to a better well-being and more happiness. 

Now, just because spending on others leads to more happiness does not mean you spend all your disposable income on other people. The important element is finding balance. Those who spend a large proportion of their income on others may be very altruistic or they could be using it as a bribe for another person’s affection. But that is a topic for another blog. The importance is that once your basic needs are met – you’ve paid the rent, put food on the table, paid your bills – and you’re debating whether you should buy the Dolce Cabana bag or give to a friend or need or donate money to the

Gazette Christmas Fund, research findings are suggesting that spending on another person is a great ingredient for long-term happiness.

                                                          Happy Holidays.

                                                          Virginia Chow, Ph.D., Psychologist at Clinic Dr. Bita

Montreal Psychologist: Relationships

What is the key to successful relationship(s)?

There is no doubt that it is important to connect with others. Countless research studies demonstrate the need for social support and its role as a buffer from many health problems whether physical, mental or emotional. Research has even shown that monkeys prefer comfort and warmth over food after having been food deprived.

So let’s get back to what leads to a successful relationship. It is best aided with the image or idea of a mirror. A mirror reflects what is in front of it. There is no beating around the bush: What you see is what you get. It sees exactly what or who you are in that precise moment. In all kinds of relationships, across many different ages (e.g., parent-child, school friends, and adult romantic relationships), the idea of mirroring or let’s call it, “being with” is the key to a good quality, durable relationship. 

Researchers have used different terms for the idea of mirroring. For example, the synchrony between parent and child in which a parent accurately attends to their child’s need. The elements of protection, validation, and companionship evident among friends at school. Last, the secure emotional bond between adult couples where it is safe to disclose vulnerability. In each of these different relationships, it’s about reflecting what each person needs at a certain time (e.g., for support, comfort, play, tenderness, acceptance, understanding, etc). - Why is mirroring successful? ... More to come by Dr. Rick Parker at Clinic Dr. Bita

 

Westmount Psychologist: Christmas, gifts and happiness...

Many of you are probably getting ready for the holidays now by getting your Christmas trees and thinking about that perfect gift for your children, spouse, family, friends, and colleagues. Tis the season to be jolly, giving and spending money. For some, it will mean a lot of money. Is there a balance between spending money and giving? Also, how much spending would make you or those around you happy? This is probably a good time as any to write about what makes us happy.

There tends to be a general belief that we are happier when we spend more money on ourselves than when we spend it on others (Dunn et al., 2008). However, there is a large body of research that suggests that the manner in which we spend makes a difference in terms of our long-term happiness. According to researchers and analysts, the ticket to happiness is not spending without regard but to choose who to invest the money on.  According to a study conducted by Dunn and her colleagues, they found that investing disposable income on others rather than on ourselves could make us happier in the long run. For example, participants reported feeling happier when they spent $5 or $20 on another person compared to their counterparts who spent it on themselves. Also, people who spent greater proportions of their income on giving to others or to charity were rated as happier than those who spend it on themselves. Canadian and Ugandan students reported feeling happier when they recalled events in which they spent on others compared to students who spent on themselves (Aiken et al., 2010). This means that giving is making a lot of donors very happy – and this doesn’t even take into consideration how the recipients feel! Why is this so? More to come... by Dr. Virginia Chow.

Westmount Therapist: Anxiety and Teens

Can teens suffer from ANXIETY?
Feelings like stress, panic, freaking out or excessive worries can be related to ANXIETY. ANXIETY is very common in teenagers and if attended to they can be treated. Given of the number of factors that are changing within the maturing body , mind and emotions of a teenager, sometimes they don’t even realize that they are suffering from ANXIETY, which can become a...n enormous burden and obstacle to natural maturation. It all comes down to the baggage that they have such as:
Genetics, brain chemistry, major life events and interpretation of life events.
The impact of ANXIETY is widespread and often a basic instinctive response is activated: the flight or fight response! Understanding ANXIETY and the impact of the flight/fight response can help teenagers be aware of what is happening to them and make them more receptive to using tools and skills. Empowering the teenager to manage feelings of ANXIETY is like “letting the horse realize it is thirsty and helping them find the water to drink by themselves”.
By Julie Gerber, Special Care Counsellor at Clinic Dr. Bita